Daria Doering

My favorite motherhood quote from I Didn’t Plan to Be a Witch: and other surprises of a joyful mother

by Linda Eyre (mother of nine, co-author of many parenting books, character education expert)

To me, the fascinating thing about motherhood is that it is truly a refiner’s fire.  Years ago, I had the opportunity to go through a pottery factory.  There we saw beautiful creations in lovely earthen shades of clay, with graceful and varied shapes and curves, just before they went into the firing process.  In fact, they were so lovely as they were that I asked a craftsman nearby, whose hands were the same color as the pot he was working on, why they needed to be fired at all.

“Oh gosh,” he replied, trying not to show his disdain for my ignorance, “if we didn’t fire them, they would lost their durability and strength and fall apart very quickly.  The least bump, not to mention time itself, would simply crumble them away.  The firing makes the pots strong and durable and gives them a special luster inside and out.”  His eyes gleamed as he held up a fine example.

How true this is of motherhood!  We start our mothering careers as rather ordinary-looking clay pots with varied shapes and curves – and march directly into the refiner’s fire.  The fire, however, is not a onetime process but an ongoing one.  Every experience that helps us to be a little more compassionate, a little more patient, a little more understanding, is a burst of fire that refines us and leaves us a little more purified.  The more we filter, strain and purge through the experiences of our lives, the more refined we become.  Of course, a fire can either give luster, depth and strength, or it can burn and destroy.  How well we use the heat is the key.

One summer I had the opportunity to meet several close friends whom I hadn’t seen since high school and college roommate days, before any of us had children.  Several children later, having been through not just childbirth but the everyday refiner’s fire, these friends had a special luster … something indescribable and intangible and yet very real.  That fire can make us more patient and understanding, able to handle near-impossible situations sometimes with grace, sometimes with disgrace, but always with added insight and understanding.

… My children make me a better person – sometimes against my will.  And the struggle with witchhood is part of the deal.  I can’t say that I rejoice in my afflictions, but I wouldn’t give them back for all the witch’s brew in the world.  Motherhood is the greatest joy in my life!