Daria Doering

Mike and I decided to renew our passports, since if there is anything I don’t want any more of in my life, it’s passport drama. As in, “Mom, Dad, I’m leaving for Europe tomorrow and I don’t have my passport!” Last time this happened, Mike drove to LA to get Jake out of a jam. You can renew passports mostly online, but you do need a photo. I hadn’t done this in ten years, so I looked online, and the easiest way to get a passport photo seemed to be at a drugstore. I sprung this on Mike and he was reluctant, but finally agreed to go, on his way to the office. So we went to Walgreen’s, after I’d called to make sure they took passport photos. But they had “out of order” signs on both their camera machines. I asked testily why the person on the phone hadn’t told me this, and she said, “It just happened.” Yeah, sure.

So we headed to CVS, reminding each other “don’t get stabbed” as our friends had years ago in the CVS parking lot. Surprise – their photo machine was broken too.

Okay, there is one more drugstore in Hillcrest – Rite Aid – so we went there. Their lot was almost full and we were in separate cars, but I parked in a “small car” space. Actually two spaces – something I would never normally do – but I couldn’t see squeezing into a space such that the car next to me would have no way to open the driver’s door and get in.

In the store I found a helpful employee and had my picture taken. “No smiling,” she said. I thought – awesome, I can just glare at the camera without the usual awkward attempt to smile! I can just focus on having my eyes wide open! She then explained, “no teeth.” Okay, whatever.

Next Mike called, angry and swearing by this point, saying he couldn’t park. I told him I would leave and give him my space(s), and he could pick up my photos, but on my way out he came in – he’d found a space. He had his photo taken and was again trying to leave for work, while I stayed to pick up the photos. But then the employee came running over, saying Mike’s eyes were closed, and you couldn’t tell this until the photos were printed.

Mike had his photo taken again, but this time the top of his hair was cut off, another no-no. Another employee came to take his photo a third time. Of course long before this, I had given in to the lure of Thrifty ice cream, still available at Rite Aid! So I was blissfully eating my cherry chocolate chip ice cream cup while Mike struggled to get a useable photo. I was not being very prudent because I had to remove my mask to eat the ice cream.

I finally returned to my car with the photos, and had not gotten a ticket. Hopefully my luck will hold and I will not have COVID either. And maybe we’ll even take that trip in several months Below are our requisite unsmiling photos, which look more like mug shots …

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