Daria Doering

I wish this book had a different name, because it is about the money! That being said, this is one of the most profound, wisdom-packed, life-changing books I have ever read. I would have called it “The Eight Financial Archetypes and How They Affect Your Life and Key Relationships.”

I found this book due to family struggles. Of our three kids, the youngest, our 18-year-old daughter is quite the spender, while I am the maven of thrift. This has made for endless conflict between my daughter and me. Since she will leave for college in a couple of months, I had been doing everything in my power to heal the rifts between us. A thought finally entered my mind – maybe I should not be looking at money management in terms of right and wrong – maybe people simply have different styles in how they deal with money.

A few days later, the minister at the Science of Mind church we attend announced a new class based on the book, It’s Not About the Money, and people’s different patterns in how they deal with money. I knew I had to attend!

It’s Not about the Money is written by Brent Kessel, cofounder of Abacus Wealth, and one of the top wealth managers in the country. Kessel has a Jewish background but has been studying and practicing yoga and meditation extensively for over 20 years. This is reflected in the book, which is filled with viewpoints and quotations from both western and eastern religions, and advice based on Buddhist and yogic principles. It is some of the best therapeutic and spiritual advice I’ve heard anywhere.

The core of the book concerns what he has identified as the eight financial archetypes, and their tendencies, gifts and pitfalls. Although each of us is primarily one (or more) archetype, Kessel believes all the archetypes have something to teach us, and we should ideally contain elements of them all.

Another of the book’s most helpful concepts is that of the “Core Story,” formed when we are very young, and composed of our deepest beliefs and expectations concerning money. The purpose of this Core Story is to protect us from pain and suffering. However, unless examined, it controls our unconscious and our lives. No matter how much we might want to get ahead and get our financial house in order, we will keep gravitating back to and recreating our Core Story expectations in the present. One of the exercises in the book asks us to write down our Core Story, including the “money wounds” we have suffered, and examine it critically and realistically. Then we can retain the healthy parts of our story’s message, and let go of the unhealthy and unhelpful parts.

Following is a description of each of the archetypes:

The “Guardian” is ever alert for looming financial disasters, and tends to obsessively worry about money. He spends hours a day going over his accounts, and often accuses others of overspending. The Guardian’s gifts are alertness and prudence, and his pitfalls are worry and anxiety. The Guardian’s Core Story usually includes “money wounds” around having too little, or sometimes guilt over having too much. Guardians believe in doomsday scenarios. They tend to worry excessively, even if their financial situation is secure, according to objective standards. The Guardian can be helped by looking at his situation realistically, ideally with assistance. It may reduce worry to set concrete benchmarks and plan potential actions, such as – if my business drops by 50%, I will cut costs by moving to a smaller office.

The “Pleasure Seeker” loves to spend her money – all of it and then some! – on sensory pleasures. The Pleasure Seeker’s Core Story may include growing up poor and wanting to make up for early deprivations, or growing up rich, and feel entitled to continue a lavish lifestyle, no matter what. The Pleasure Seeker’s sayings may include, ‘Life is too short to not …”, “You can’t take it with you,” or “I deserve it!” Though let’s face it, we all need some of the Pleasure Seeker in us! Who wouldn’t want to eat fine food, live and dress in style, get massages, shop, recreate and travel? The problem is when we live beyond our means, and it leads to debt and heartache in the future. Pleasure Seekers also tend to create tension in their relationships due to their “retail therapy.” Pleasure Seekers need to face when their spending is masking an inner pain or void, find different ways to experience pleasure, and plan realistically for their futures.

The “Idealist” wants to save the world, or at least a portion of it. Many idealists are artists or musicians, or work for non-profits or social services. They are distrustful – of government, big business, bosses, corporate polluters – and feel like outsiders in a middle or upper class world. They often see money itself as the problem, rather than their relationship to money. Sayings might include, “Money is the root of all evil,” “I’d be a sellout if I had more money,” or “Money isn’t happiness, it’s what’s in the way of happiness,” and they like to rant about “the one percent” who control the country. Idealists need to achieve balance within themselves in order to be more effective agents of change. They need to consider how their own Core Story and relationship to money is affecting their lives, as well as their ideological beliefs.

The “Saver” may come from the Great Depression era or have parents from that era. He gains great satisfaction from frugality, and/or seeing his investments grow. The Saver is the personal finance archetype that is idealized by our society, and promoted in books such as The Millionaire Next Door and Rich Dad, Poor Dad. So what could be wrong with saving? Nothing, except that Savers tend to take it too far, and ultimately feel addicted to or imprisoned by their need to see their investment balance grow. Savers can be aided by getting some bookkeeping help so they don’t have to stress over paying every bill, and by setting some money aside into a fund to be spent either on themselves or on giving.

The “Star,” like the Pleasure Seeker, likes to spend a lot of money. The difference is that the Star’s motivation to spend is to impress other people – either via personal image enhancement (clothes, jewelry, hair, cosmetic surgery, entertaining, cars, fancy electronics, home), visible generosity to charities, or trend-following in general. Stars crave attention, recognition and prestige. Their sayings might include, “Clothes make the man,” “You get what you pay for,” and “First impressions count.” The roots of the star’s emphasis on physical appearance might be a circumstance from his childhood that made him painfully aware of how much we tend to judge each other on appearances – perhaps discrimination based on race or class – or starting out as an “ugly duckling.” Or a Star’s parents might be Stars themselves, and harp on their children’s appearance and success status. The Star may ultimately feel trapped by her own image and the need to maintain it. The focus on image usually masks inner feelings of worthlessness. Stars can change by becoming aware of and working therapeutically on these inner feelings, and by making a decision to downsize their self-marketing machine.

For the “Innocent,” the ends never meet, no matter how much money he makes. Unlike Idealists, Innocents are not “against” money. But they struggle financially, are perpetually in debt, feel they aren’t competent with money, and can’t hold onto it. They avoid balancing their checkbooks, looking at account balances, creating budgets, and paying bills. Their Core Story revolves around scarcity and lack, a strong belief that they will never have enough, and feelings of powerlessness. They are sometimes in dependent financial relationships. Even if Innocents win the lottery or earn a lot of money, they will almost always end up penniless, because they have such a firm unconscious belief that this is where they belong. Innocents can make progress by valuing their own good qualities and gifts, and mustering the courage, self-valuing and support to learn to deal with their finances.

The “Caretaker” prioritizes others’ needs above her own, is “the responsible one” in relationships, and often ends up supporting family members or even friends. Some caretakers have relations such as disabled children who really are dependent on them, and whom they need to support. But more often it is voluntary, with Caretakers often having assumed such a role early in life. Their empathy, caring and generosity are very positive traits that others archetypes would do well to emulate. But the downside of caretaking can be resentment, burnout, and enabling irresponsible behavior by others. The cure for caretakers is for them to care for themselves with as much enthusiasm as they care for others, and to lovingly wean others from their dependence on them.

Lastly, the “Empire Builder” is the classic entrepreneur, either in the business or non-profit sector. The Empire Builder tends to be a visionary, an innovator and a workaholic. He thrives on making a large-scale impact on society, likes having control over others, and strives to leave a legacy after death. Empire Builders are not confined to the business world – they can include artists or musicians who leave a large body of work, social activists or politicians. A pitfall of the Empire Builder is that he is never content. Having achieved one goal, he immediately sets the bar higher, barely skipping a beat. Empire Builders can benefit from getting some assistance in assessing their financial needs (they can be overly simplistic) and deciding on investment strategy (they are often overly cautious in investing, assuming their business will support them). They may need support in devoting a portion of their resources to enjoying life and part to giving to others.

The book contains a chapter for each of the archetypes, including case studies drawn from working with hundreds of financial planning clients. Kessel describes each archetype’s Core Story, discusses the archetype’s pitfalls and gifts, and the “payoff” for its type of behavior. He provides exercises and suggestions to help readers cope with the challenges of being that archetype and evolve beyond it. Kessel is appreciative of all the archetypes, and the exercises he suggests are compassionate and self-supportive. There is also financial planning advice tailored to each archetype.

You may recognize what archetype you are, or you can take a quiz on the Abacus Wealth website at http://www.abacuswealth.com/education/quiz.

In general, Kessel’s solution is for us to follow “the Middle Way.” As taught in Buddhism, the Middle Way lies between self-indulgence and asceticism. In this context, the Middle Way consists of satisfying both our “inner four year old,” who believes in and defends our Core Story, and the highest and wisest version of our adult self. The book has exercises to help us access our “innate financial wisdom,” or our most joyful and achievable adult dreams for our future.

The remainder of the book is financial planning advice, which focuses on diversifying between small, mid and large cap value and growth stocks, both in the US and internationally, real estate, and bonds (maybe), with an emphasis on index funds. He also has excellent advice on both philanthropic and family giving, suggesting that money be left to grandchildren in phased-release trusts.

In conclusion, this was one of the most life-changing books I have ever read. Formerly, I had thought of the financial behavior of family members as unfathomable if not crazy. The book helped me understand my husband (Innocent), children, and father (Guardian), and be much more compassionate and less judgmental of them.

I now feel that one of the most heroic and worthwhile journeys we can take is to work toward a balance of the archetypes, and a reconciliation of our inner child with our mature and wise self. In this endeavor, it helps immensely to have a deeper understanding of the archetypal positions from which people typically start out.

— Daria Russell Doering